How To Be A City Cardiologist
First, make sure you are already booked with the patient who had slumped in the examination hall due to the difficulty he had breathing. Then, wear your white jacket, very white jacket; a tablet PC; a stethoscope; red pen and the medical file.
Second, take a book and practice your medical handwriting skills. Learn how to draw this very well that not even the medically inclined person can decode. Few drawings of the heart will do. Not necessarily important but to assure your patient that the case is serious.
When he comes in, smile, smile, smile. Don't ever stop smiling. Assure him that all is well. That why what happened occurred was because of certain issues with the heart which can be ascertain after the few questions you are going to ask him.
Bring your seat closer, look him straight in the eyes and ask:
"21? Oh, I see."
He nods in pain.
"How exactly do you feel?"
"Dizzy. I get dizzy trying to breathe."
"Any wheezing?"
"Yes. Sometimes."
"Show me your heart."
He points the left chest. "How often do you eat?"
"Whenever I am hungry."
"Do you still feel pains?"
"Yes."
"Even with the oxygen?!" Exclaim on top of tour voice that the whole world knows that the guy needs deliverance from the manipulation of the wicked ones.
"Do you take alcohol?"
"No."
"When was the last time you took it?" Make sure he gets your question. How can a young boy of 21 not take alcohol - this 21st century?!
"I don't take alcohol."
"How often do you have sex?"
"I've never had sex." when he says this, shake your head in disbelief. But make sure he doesn't see you.
"Do you smoke?"
"No."
"You know smoking is bad, right? When did you stop smoking?"
"Hey doc," the boy loses patience, gets angry and about to explode. Keep calm. "I don't smoke. I already said it."
Now that you have run short of questions. Hiss in disappointment. You have never had this case before. Your searches on your tablet PC has nothing to show.
Look at your patient again. Move closer.
"Sir, we've never had this case of yours before. Your ECG and other tests came out clean. You really need a spiritual doctor."
He thanks you.
"Wait, do you have any land dispute with anyone in the village?"
"Yes. Why?"
"See, that's where your problem is from. You need serious prayers." Declare and let it sink. You have achieved something for the day.
***
This piece is a satire on the way the cardiologist that took care of me questioned me after my collapse in the school, during an examination.
Second, take a book and practice your medical handwriting skills. Learn how to draw this very well that not even the medically inclined person can decode. Few drawings of the heart will do. Not necessarily important but to assure your patient that the case is serious.
When he comes in, smile, smile, smile. Don't ever stop smiling. Assure him that all is well. That why what happened occurred was because of certain issues with the heart which can be ascertain after the few questions you are going to ask him.
Bring your seat closer, look him straight in the eyes and ask:
"21? Oh, I see."
He nods in pain.
"How exactly do you feel?"
"Dizzy. I get dizzy trying to breathe."
"Any wheezing?"
"Yes. Sometimes."
"Show me your heart."
He points the left chest. "How often do you eat?"
"Whenever I am hungry."
"Do you still feel pains?"
"Yes."
"Even with the oxygen?!" Exclaim on top of tour voice that the whole world knows that the guy needs deliverance from the manipulation of the wicked ones.
"Do you take alcohol?"
"No."
"When was the last time you took it?" Make sure he gets your question. How can a young boy of 21 not take alcohol - this 21st century?!
"I don't take alcohol."
"How often do you have sex?"
"I've never had sex." when he says this, shake your head in disbelief. But make sure he doesn't see you.
"Do you smoke?"
"No."
"You know smoking is bad, right? When did you stop smoking?"
"Hey doc," the boy loses patience, gets angry and about to explode. Keep calm. "I don't smoke. I already said it."
Now that you have run short of questions. Hiss in disappointment. You have never had this case before. Your searches on your tablet PC has nothing to show.
Look at your patient again. Move closer.
"Sir, we've never had this case of yours before. Your ECG and other tests came out clean. You really need a spiritual doctor."
He thanks you.
"Wait, do you have any land dispute with anyone in the village?"
"Yes. Why?"
"See, that's where your problem is from. You need serious prayers." Declare and let it sink. You have achieved something for the day.
***
This piece is a satire on the way the cardiologist that took care of me questioned me after my collapse in the school, during an examination.
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